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Weekend Trip To Lake Tekapo

mahamahas
Jan 17, 2016
5 min read

I know it's super late but I should write this while it's still fresh in my memory!

So I spent this weekend (Saturday 16th and Sunday 17th of January) in Lake Tekapo with my mum and brother. None of us had ever been before and so it was a totally new experience for us all!

I vlogged my time there and am in the process of editing now, I will put this the link here once it's completed and up on my Youtube channel.

On Saturday morning I woke up at 6am and had breakfast, showered and got dressed. The bus was picking us up from the Christchurch Museum which is in town so we got dropped off there by a family friend in the morning. We had about 30 minutes to kill so we browsed in the museum and even though I literally hadn't been in years it was exactly the same haha.

On the bus, I spent most of my time playing DanganRonpa 2 on my PS Vita, I was doing the class trial for chapter 3 and what another shocker - I love this game so much! It's far more challenging and complicated compared to the first, it's really stepped up the level on everything. I just love it.

Anyways, back to Tekapo! When we arrived we walked to the office for our Holiday Home that we booked, we got dropped off there and the holiday home was called 'Bill's Bach' and it was sooooo cute and cosy! It was small but not too small which to me is ideal since I actually don't like big rooms or houses. It was only 2 bedrooms, both bedrooms had double beds and since I only like to sleep in single beds and don't like to share a bed with anyone I slept on the couch which was totally fine, I actually preferred it anyway haha.

Saturday was really fun, we spent lots of time at the lake which I enjoyed and then we went for Thai & Korean for dinner which was yummy. Back at the bach, I set up my couch bed, played SDR2 and drank green tea which was nice and ideal. The Bach had free wifi so I also posted some pics on my instagram and I also checked my facebook.

A lot of this info will be clear in my Vlog but something sort of happened the second day which I was embaressed about so I didn't vlog at all until I got home (today).

So I get panic attacks sort of often - especially when my intuition is being questioned or I am not in the position of power or control (and I know how ridiculous that sounds) so it can be very frustrating for me and those around me. I was really not keen on going up this mountain since I am not good with heights. I can be at a high place as long as there is security if that makes sense, like a building is fine but a bridge or mountain not so much and just going over that bridge twice yesterday put me on edge. Anyway, mum really wanted to go up this mountain but it would take an hour or two and I tried to go up at first, I endured and it wasn't too bad but it was fairly steep and I was not handling the building panic inside and I just lost it. I couldn't breathe and I bursted into tears saying "I hate this, I don't like this at all." oh and before all this when we were walking on the non-footpath (because we didn't know there was one) I almost tripped several times on the large uneven stones which made me exremely frustrated and I had a mini tantrum.

This must sound so childish and stupid but I guess it's because of several reasons why I behaved so dramatically. 1. I really don't like nature. I don't enjoy the outdoors and doing 'wild' stuff. I just can't appreciate the natural beauty of earth which is really sad since that is what New Zealand is sort of known for but it just seriously doesn't appeal to me. I find it boring. So yeah right from the get go I wasn't really keen to go walking up a steep mountain I really just wanted to hang out by the Lake. So with the whole nature thing, when it comes to anything to do with water that is an exception. I am a picses and so my element is water - I love swimming and anything to do with sea creatures, sea, ocean etc so I found the Lake really calming yesterday which help put me in a good place. All I really wanted to do today was spend time at the lake but because mum wanted to go to this mountain I didn't say anything since this was her special 'treat' for my brother and I. But I realise now I should have said something early. I went down the pathetic length that I climbed and waiing about 25 minutes for them to get down. It was fine, it gave me a chance to pull myself together, I ate some grapes which helped get my breathing back to normal. I was really embaressed and ashamed, I can't help it when these attacks happen it's awful, it's so unlike me, unlike how I usually am which is I guess positive, fairly collected and cool thinking. I just have serious issues expressing how I feel.

Anyway, this trip sort of made me realise that New Zealand is really not the place for me. I mean, NZ will always be my birthplace and my 'home' but I just don't feel like I belong with the environment if that makes sense, I just don't fit in well with it. I can't see myself growing old here and I can't see myself travelling all over NZ and being satisfied with that. My desire to live in Japan and settle there has grown even more now, I just feel like NZ isn't where I am called to be. I always felt like I was needed somwhere else and that I need to get out. This weekend, especially today it got reinforced since I had a lot of time to myself to just think. It makes me sad though because I don't want to leave my mum and my brother behind but I can't stay if it's not going to make me happy - I mean sure, I wouldn't mind it I could totally get a decent income from a decent job in a decent city like Wellington but I wouldn't be completely satisfied or living up to my potential if I were to stay here.

I am sure the fact that the exchange is right around the corner (2 months away) would have had an influence as to what I felt today. I really am so excited about living in Japan, buying my weekly food groceries from the supermarket, paying bills and doing runs to the conbini - it's going to make me learn so much more and get a better feel as to what it's really like to live in Japan.

Anyway I better end the post here, sorry to leave it on such a bitter end. I just needed to get that out of my system. I slept for the majority of the bus ride back to CHCH. When we got home we watched Running Man (Chinese ver.) which was great, always making us laugh like crazy. I will try get the new video editing asap so I can put the link here.

Okay so for now goodnight!!